Nothing ruins peace and quiet while you're trying to sleep en route to work like two loud parakeets who look like Mrs. Doubtfire. Talking non-stop until the train literally screeches and drowns their obnoxious voices.
We've all seen (and unfortunately heard) her, and secretly want to throw a shoe or gelato at the bitch. Mommy of the Year gets on the train at Times Square with her children who are jacked up on sugar. She's louder than they are—and she wants YOU to know she's a great Mom!
Mom: Violet, Violet come here. Come sit here sweetheart.
Child: bouncing around and hops on the seat like a damn kangaroo
Mom: Sophie, Sophie come sit next to Violet!
2nd child: squeezes on the seat next to sister. So now there's TWO kids invading your personal space.
I turn to the kid and give her a dirty look so the Mom can see that #1) her kid is misbehaving and #2) not everyone finds children cute; especially when they're behaving like little assholes.
Mom: Sophie, put your feet down because you're disturbing our friends around us. We don;t want to make our friends and neighbors mad, right?
At this point, this cunt who is used to preying on people's guilt from giving her rugrats dirty looks, looks for remorse on my face. And here goes my look...
She then looks nervous and FINALLY gets serious, and asks her children about settling down. As she gathers her rugrats, she makes her way to exit the train, and as she turns, you notice that her sun dress was so short, that the bottom of her butt cheeks are saying, "Fuck you" to me. SMH.
My only wish? Was that she turned down her LOUD, yuppie, husband-is-probably-sleeping-with-his-secretary stay-at-home "Mommy" obnoxious voice. THAT more than anything, was the most offensive part of the subway ride.